NEED YOUR ADVICE | Should I Leave My Abusive Husband Because of His HIV Status?

My husband and i have been married for 14 yrs, initially we had a wonderful relationship, things started going sour after we lost our first child, he died a few days after birth. It was a very difficult period for both of us but a few months later we began to try for another child as soon as i got pregnant again my husband changed, he started keeping late nights, coming and going when he pleases when i ask questions he hits me it got to a point where he hit me for anything and everything i even got hospitalized as a result of his beating. when i told his mother about the physical and verbal abuse she said i should avoid provoking him as her son has always had a short temper, i wonder why i never noticed the temper in the years we dated. Things improved a bit after the birth of our daughter he showered her with attention and began to come home more. After the birth of our fourth child the doctor advised us to not try again for another baby, i wasn’t ready to anyway because at this point i was tired of his inconsistent behavior since he got angry at the slightest, instead i focused my attention on raising our kids Sometime last year, my husband fell seriously ill test results showed that he is HIV positive, apparently he had known for a while but didn’t tell me probably because he wanted to get me infected too. I stayed in the hospital with him throughout the period until he got back on his feet. Now he is fine although he is on his daily drugs i am wondering if i should leave him but i have never worked and skipped youth service because he asked me to as he did not want to be with the kids, i cannot afford to take care of the kids on my own, what should I do?

Please I need your candid advice!

REAL LIFE STORY #1 | Honeymoon ended the day after we were married

The honeymoon period ended the day after we were married -- six months from when we first met. Dehinde is about six foot and about 225 pounds in weight. I'm five foot four and 100 pounds. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up against the wall. He grabbed my hands and bent them backward, breaking one of my fingers. I was in shock. I was stunned. But I didn't leave. A few hours after the incident, He broke into tears and told me how sorry he was. I loved him so much, so I believed him when he said it wouldn't happen again. But life became hell after that. For the next two months the abuse was nonstop. He kept me in a constant state of terror. I'm not a drinker, but he'd toss a bottle of beer in my face and say drink. He'd punch me in the stomach or kick me in the thigh if I didn't. I started walking on tiptoes around him, fearful of everything I'd say and do. But it didn't matter; the abuse continued. He dislocated my shoulder several times. He'd lift me up by the ankles and bang my head against the floor in the living room. A part of me wanted to leave, but another part of me hesitated. Somehow I felt I was partially responsible for the abuse. If I hadn't made a particular comment or if I had just sipped the alcohol everything would have been OK. And for the first few months he was apologetic after the beatings. He'd say he felt very bad and that he didn't mean to hit me so hard. He'd actually cry sometimes cry and show such remorse that I'd forget my own pain. He'd become romantic and sweet, and I'd fall in love with him all over again. I started to isolate myself from friends and family. I didn't want them to know about the violence. I put on a happy face with my two kids and tried to act like things were fine. They knew about the violence but didn't know the severity. When my mom wanted to see me, I'd lie, saying I was busy. I didn't want her to see my bruises. I was embarrassed. Sadly, The abuse worsened. The rapes began about two months after we were married. I was dressing for work when He came out of the shower and asked me where I was going. He didn't wait for my answer. He threw me on the bed, sat on my stomach, pinned my arms up beside my head and ripped off my clothes. "If you want sex, wait until I get home tonight," I said. "You'll do it when I want, and how I want," was his response. It got worse after that. He would tie me up and put foreign objects such as necks of beer bottles into my vagina. Five months into the marriage I endured beating after beating. While most of the assaults were done when my children weren't home. I was worried that they might step in and try to protect me. If they did, they might get beaten, too. I began plotting our escape, but it was difficult. He had begun making threatening comments: "You can never get far enough away from me. I will always find you. If I can't have you, no one will." I felt trapped. How I left? HE had disappeared for three days. I didn't know where he was. I thought he had been in an accident. I called his phone, he would answer but not say anything. He arrived home on the third night at about 1 a.m. and immediately started screaming at me that he didn't appreciate me trying to track him down. We were in the sitting room and he grabbed the landphone receiver and began to beat me in the face with it. His eyes were red and flashing like I'd never seen before. I ran to the bedroom, and he was right behind me. He picked me up over his head and threw me across the room twice. I broke my tailbone in the second fall. My 6-year-old daughter woke up. She must have heard something and came to see what was happening. She just stood there, stunned. He looked at her and got scared for some reason. He went into the bathroom to pack his things. I found my phone, fighting the pain from the broken bone, limped to the living room, I then called my father since then I have not set my eyes on Dehinde

FORUM | The War Against Domestic Violence - Pictures

The forum - war against domestic violence took place on the 6th of May 2012 at Wantan Fusion Restaurant where speakers discussed issues of domestic violence and the host read books on this topics. See pictures from the interactive session.

SHARE YOUR STORY | A MUST READ on Domestic Violence

EUTER

- Shared by Afeez Dosunmu.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out. Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older… to be continued

ARE you a victim of domestic violence? Please share your story with us for our feature story on REUTER or email: lwtzeafrica@gmail.com.

JOIN US | REGISTER | War Against Domestic Violence, The Walk

Let’s walk and war against domestic violence in August around the Lagos Island metropolis. This is following on the heels of the successful forum. This is a clarion call, we’d want to have you register so we can cater for you on the day of the walk. Registered participants would have details of the walk delivered to them directly via email (written in the format - ‘lwtzeafrica at gmail dotcom’ which is lwtzeafrica@gmail.com, for spam reasons ‘@’ and ‘.com’ won’t be processed by the online platform) and text/SMS. SEE FORM BELOW TO REGISTER - INCLUDE NAME AND CONTACTS

ABOUT LWTZE Concepts | The Parent Company

LWTZE (Lady With The Zoom Effect) concept INC, is Incorporated with the Nigerian Corporate Affairs Commission, CAC as a registered limited liability company that takes pride in Events Management, Brand Promotions. The objective of LWTZE is to re-invigorate commitments to accelerate implementation of agreed global and regional commitments of gender equality and women empowerment (GEWE). We focus our energy on creating awareness in fighting poverty and promoting economic empowerment of women and entrepreneurship through public lectures, forum, walk, seminar, brainstorming session, workshop, press conference/media chat and press release.

We strive to campaign for decent work for women and equal opportunity in employment, promotion and movement towards parity at the work place, embrace employment and services by supporting Women Entrepreneurs advocacy particularly in informal sectors, including Small, Medium Enterprise (SME), Medium Enterprise and initiate campaign to help Government to grow them to big businesses.

We address HIV/AIDS inappropriate burden on Women and Girls on infections, spread and increased workload, as well as unequal access to good nutrition and formal medical services. Education, science and technology to achieve parity in learning at secondary and tertiary levels and achieve higher retention rates for girls, increase literacy levels of women through adult education, contribute to Women Information, Communication and Technology.

Lady With The Zoom Effect concept, INC targets work with the African Union Peace and Security Department (PSD), The Peace and Security Council (PSC) and the Panel of the Wise in relation to United Nations Security Council Resolutions: 1325, 1820, 1888 and 1889, with particular focus on Violence Against Women (VAW), peace building and reconstruction. We pride in Identifying Women role in mitigating climate change, as custodians of the environment, making sure they are aware of their benefit from the new global packages to fight climate change.

LWTZE pride in variety of programmes initiated in line with the AU Gender policy and the Gender Action Plan. The Fund for African Women will be a vehicle for mobilizing resources for the decade activities, under the AU’s Development Pillar in its 2009-2012 Strategic Plan.

LWTZE is targeted at the empowerment of girl child education through intervention of school forum aim at strengthening girl participation in education, as we concentrate on development of national gender manual support, women empowerment initiative, monitoring, evaluation and reporting on strategies to deal with Gender Based Violation and human rights infringement against women. We celebrate the economic, political and social achievements of females of the past, present and future.

Apart from Events Management, Brand Promotions, part of our core objectives are to provide women with vocational training, build managerial and technical capacity to help women run business; and to re-invigorate commitments to accelerate implementation of agreed global and regional commitments of gender equality and women empowerment, through this proposed TV show to be anchored by Nigeria’s most dynamic Presenter and Soundcity pioneering VJ; Yeancah Adamu.

ABOUT US | Director - Yeancah

Olayinka ‘Yeancah’ Adamu is one of the pioneering VJ and Ambassador for the pan-Africa music channel – Soundcity TV and Director of LWTZE (Lady with the Zoom Effect) Concept, a Registered Limited Liability Company that administer Events Management and Brand Promotions.

For eight years, Yeancah has been on tour around Africa and the rest of the world with Artistes, most notable was with P Square as well as working on the red carpet for big brands like Coca-cola, Gordon Sparks, Smirnoff Ice, MTN to mention a few.  Before her present job as Producer and Presenter with Soundcity/Spice TV with so much energy, creativity and originality. She was an actress taking part in a weekly TV Series that aired on Silverbird Television. Yeancah may not be the hottest On-Air-Personality on the global entertainment scene at the moment, but she has a pedigree you won't easily forget.

The exotic beauty was born in Lagos, Nigeria but later settled on the Island. She is multi-talented apart from being a TV presenter, a voice artist, model, actress, motivational speaker and a public speaker. she is rated amongst the hottest African female TV presenters in entertainment industry; beautiful, fascinating, skillful, renowned, elegant, fashionable, trendy, smart, refined, classy, stylish, famous and desirable.

Yeancah is celebrated, well-groomed, fun, sophisticated, experienced, cultured, exclusive, spontaneous and a role model to many. She worked for Spice TV as Producer/Presenter and for ONTV as well in the same capacity. Yeancah Adamu is a Bachelor Degree Holder (Hon.) in Industrial Relations And Personnel Management, from Nigeria’s foremost Institution of learning; University of Lagos .

she is academic,self made and entrepreneur and also very passionate about broad casting. Yeancah is the Director, Lady With The Zoom Effect concept INC, Incorporated with the Nigerian Corporate Affairs Commission, CAC as a registered limited liability company that takes pride in Events Management, Brand Promotions and as well give a boost to commitments to accelerate implementation of agreed global and regional commitments of gender equality and women empowerment (GEWE).